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CAR SALES
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“You wouldn’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive would you?”
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When you go to buy a car and want to take a test drive you can expect there to be a few rules that you’ll have to follow. First off you wouldn’t expect the dealer to let you test drive every car in the lot until you find one you like. Once you have proven that you have the resources to be able to afford a vehicle and have narrowed down your choices, they may let you take a test drive. The dealership expects you to drive safely and take care of the car for the short amount of time that you’ll have it to test drive. |
| Imagine that you decide to pick up a bunch of friends during the test drive, get burgers and shakes, then drag race around town. A shake gets spilled on the floor and fries are mashed into the seat. You have a little fender bender and damage the bumper slightly due to some reckless driving. After a few hours you take the car back and tell the dealer you didn’t like the car and want to test drive the next one. Instead of handing you the keys to another car he will be handing you a bill for the clean up and cost of repairs for the car you just abused. A new car should still be a “new car” after a test drive. |
| Becoming physically intimate may sound like a good idea, like taking a ‘test drive’, but it can lead to real problems in a relationship. Having sex before marriage to determine if the relationship will work out, is not taking a ‘test drive’! It is more like driving recklessly! You will find out much more from a healthy dating relationship where both people demonstrate respect for each other. Take time to learn the other person’s values, and learn who that person really is. |
What if people ‘test drove’ toothbrushes?
What if people ‘test drove’ shavers/razors?
What if people ‘test drove’ underwear? Eww!
What if people ‘test drove’ soda in the store? |
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| The processes we use to choose who we marry, and what car we buy may seem to have a lot of things in common, but in reality, there are some crucial differences. The most obvious is that a spouse is not an object like a car that you ‘own’ or ‘buy’, but a person just like you! When looking for someone to spend your life with, you don’t just consider how “hot” that person looks. Both people are looking for what personal qualities the other has such as if they are concerned about your “best interest” or just their own “sex interest”. |
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There are so many considerations and choices to be made in determining what you like or don’t like in a relationship. This takes time, and effort, and effective communication. When thinking about marriage the “Test Drive” is not about the “Sex Drive” or trying out the sex before marriage. It’s about determining how well the couple communicates, if they have the same values, hopes and dreams for the future; If they are BOTH committed to the relationship and concerned about the “best interest” of the other. |
| When it comes to marriage, it is truly in a class of its own. |
| When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s impossible to know if you’re actually going to be an item, so keeping your hands to yourself is an excellent policy. Many young people feel obligated to hold hands and kiss on the first date. But when developing the physical aspect of a relationship starting slow can only be beneficial for your future. If your date wants to become physical right away, you can say you’d like to get to know him first. If your date doesn’t respect your boundaries, then the reality is your date doesn’t care about you.
People have said that it’s best to be friends with someone before you start dating. This is the healthiest way to begin a relationship, because then you aren’t thinking about the physical but rather about spending time getting to know him as a person. Once you’ve both decided that you have romantic feelings for each other, discuss your comfort level for physical affection and how far is far enough. Remember that holding hands leads to kissing, deep kissing leads to petting, and petting can lead straight to sexual intercourse in moments of passion. If you both have decided to wait until marriage to have sex, then you need to keep your physical contact to the activities that won’t let you lose self-control. A good rule of thumb is to keep your clothes on and don’t touch anything that your bathing suit covers!
1 used with permission from Questions Kids Ask about SEX; Melissa R. Cox, Editor; page 228 |
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Developing intimacy without sex is a skill that will serve you for life. As married couples can attest, sexual activity doesn’t always equate to emotional intimacy. The best things you can do are communicate with your boyfriend about your dreams and desires and keep yourselves out of compromising situations. Talk about your future goals, and create a plan to reach those goals. Additionally, spend time meeting the needs of others. Whether it’s volunteering at a retirement center or working to build someone a home, developing common interests through outside activities significantly develops closeness. Additionally, be creative in your dating life. Challenge one another to create times that will build memories; then take time to create photo journals of your time together. After all, if this boyfriend turns out to be your mate, you’ll have created a treasure chest of memories for your future.
2 used with permission from Questions Kids Ask about SEX; Melissa R. Cox, Editor; page 238 |
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